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Spreading the wordseed.

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I bitch about waiting tables. A lot. But do you know what the best part is about working in the service industry?

There are plenty of people with whom to bitch and share horror stories.

One such person is Andrew of The Artist Mindset.

Andrew was kind enough to share his blog with me for a collaborative post, entitled Server Problems: Happy Hour and Impatience. A hilarious day-in-the-life of a server who faces an internal struggle of what to think and what to say to customers who are just too goddamn stupid for their own good.

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Answering the Internet II: Ladies’ Choice.

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We’ve all got questions that need to be answered.

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie-Pop? Why does it burn when I pee? 

That kind of thing.

Our most trusted source of information is the goddamn Internet. We log on every single day and put our faith in complete strangers to tell us what we want to hear.

It’s the ladies’ turn for the Google autofill treatment.

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Answering the Internet: 99 Problems, Bitch Included.

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We’ve all got questions that need to be answered.

Why is the sky blue? What is the meaning of life? Is time-travel possible? Is there a God?

Why do my balls smell like that?

That kind of thing.

And to where do we turn when these inquiries pop up? Who do we trust the most to provide us with the most accurate information possible? An expert in the subject? Nah. A parent or mentor? Psh. God? The flying spaghetti monster?

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PSA: 360s, 180s, and you.

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I’m not a math guy.

Not everything math-related eludes me, however. I know the Pythagorean Theorem.  I know you can’t divide by zero or the Sun will explode. And if someone held a gun to my head, I could probably do some long division.

I also know a complete circle is 360 degrees.

That said, I’ve got some beef with a few of you. By beef, I of course mean that when you do this thing, it takes every fiber of self-control I have to hold me back from stabbing you in the dick with a spork.

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Sounds great, but will it keep out the zombies?

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Apartment hunting is a drag.

This will be the third consecutive year Girlfriend and I will be seeking a new residence. The first time we moved, it was for the purpose of making that big step of living together. Everything worked out great except for the occasional explosive falling-outs over which way the goddamn toilet paper is supposed to face.

Over, by the way. Fucking over.

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