Thou Shalt Be Patient
There’s a really great chance that the first part of your dining experience will involve waiting for a table. This time is crucial for both the restaurant staff and patrons alike. This is where they get to size you up. How you act in the lobby of a restaurant greatly impacts how the rest of your evening at said restaurant is going to progress. What I mean to say is, don’t act like a shithead, lest you be treated like a shithead.
If it’s one thing we’re known for having in this beautiful country, it’s a ridiculous over-abundance of places where you can get food if you’re in a hurry. That’s sort of why they call it “fast food.” Because, you know, it’s fucking fast. If you go into a restaurant and bitch about a 15-minute wait because you’re on your lunch break and you only have an hour, I’m sure there’re 13 fucking drive-up windows you could go to within a one-mile radius of where you are at any given time. There are people in third-world countries who would wait hours for a fucking piece of bread. You can wait 15 minutes.
Patience isn’t only needed while you wait for a table, either. Sometimes you might have to wait a little bit longer than expected for your food, too. While you might think your food is taking forever because you have a shitty server, this usually isn’t the case. You might not believe this, but 99.9 percent of the time, you aren’t the only person in the restaurant whose food is being cooked. Like waiting in the lobby for a table, you have to wait your turn for your food, too. How long does it take you to prepare a nice meal at home for your family? 30 minutes? An hour? Sometimes a team of six guys is cooking food for 200 people at any given time. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Finally, it’s time to pay your server. Say you’re in a larger group, and you douchebags all have to pay separately. You can’t expect your server to make change for eight 20 dollar bills in 30 seconds. It just isn’t possible. Because you can’t figure your shit out beforehand, you’re going to have to fucking deal with getting back to work late. God knows if your change came back wrong, you’d stiff your server without thinking twice about it.